Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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