Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
