i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
