when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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