smell my finger.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
