Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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