I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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