No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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