Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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