I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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