Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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