I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
