Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
