They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
