Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
