Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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