is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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