Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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