i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
