o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
