i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
