Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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