i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
