I haven't been this sober since birth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
