Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
