At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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