Only a mothe r could love this liver
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
