She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my nose is crying tears of wow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
