She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Im part way to drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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