I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
