I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
