Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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