..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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