hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
