I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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