when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
