i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
