I need help removing her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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