That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
