...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
