i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
