True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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