tonight lets celebrate not being married
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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