and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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