I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
