You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
