with your own penis?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
