i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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