i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Floor bacon is actually really good
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