i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
