I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
